Story image

Spark, Vodafone and 2Degrees announce merger

01 Apr 16

The Minister of Telecommunications announced today that New Zealand's three primary infrastructure investors will merge their interests to form one new entity named 'Spark2Fon'.

"I am euphoric that a solution to industry bickering has now been found," the Minister declared. "There will be no more wasteful use of taxpayers money on consultation and research will need to take place."

"Prices will drop as efficiencies are passed on," says Barry McEnroe, head of the New Zealand Telecommunications Cartel Forum (TCF). 

Foreign Colonial Capital, the largest shareholders of Spark, complemented the Commerce Commission on its innovative solution to industry arguments about spectrum management, market power and legacy infrastructure.

"Finally Government officials can focus on sex toy legislation passing quickly through Wellington," says Jack Burke, Minister of Public Affairs.

"Who cares about international benchmarking, the rest of the world has probably got it wrong. Brussels competition officials will be rushing to New Zealand to study this great idea," says Geoff Golding, the chief of TUANZ (Telecommunications Users Association of New Zealand).

MBIE officials were busy preparing an economics benefit report on party behaviours at surfing festivals and couldn't be reached for comment.

Disclaimer:

This story has been produced as satire to celebrate the joy of April Fools Day. The day only comes around once per annum.

We hope that you've had as much fun reading this story as our team had writing it. Please accept any apologies for mentioning your brand, business or name. Please understand it's light hearted fun and if you are mentioned, it’s because we think you’re awesome.

Soul Machines' virtual humans go mainstream
An Auckland AI firm renowned for its work creating ‘digital humans’ is now unleashing its creativity to the wider market.
Hands-on review: The Logitech R500 laser presentation remote
With a clever ergonomic design, you’ll never have to glance at the device, unless you deliberately look to use the built-in laser pointer to emphasise your presentation.
GCSB welcomes Inspector-General's report on intelligence warrants
Intelligence warrants can include surveillance, private communications interception, searches of physical places and things, and the seizure of communications, information and things.
Lightning Lab accelerator delves into tourism
“It’s great to see the tourism sector taking a proactive and collaborative approach to innovation."
Apax Partners wins bidding war for Trade Me buyout
“We’re confident Trade Me would have a successful standalone future," says Trade Me chairman David Kirk
Verifi takes spot in Deloitte Asia Pacific Fast 500
"An increasing amount of companies captured by New Zealand’s Anti-Money laundering legislation are realising that an electronic identity verification solution can streamline their customer onboarding."
Homegrown stress relief app to be launched next year
Researchers at the University of Auckland and an Auckland-based creative agency are working together to create a ‘world first’ app that they believe will help with stress relief.
How blockchain will impact NZ’s economy
Distributed ledgers and blockchain are anticipated to provide a positive uplift to New Zealand’s economy.