Story image

Spark, Vodafone and 2Degrees announce merger

01 Apr 16

The Minister of Telecommunications announced today that New Zealand's three primary infrastructure investors will merge their interests to form one new entity named 'Spark2Fon'.

"I am euphoric that a solution to industry bickering has now been found," the Minister declared. "There will be no more wasteful use of taxpayers money on consultation and research will need to take place."

"Prices will drop as efficiencies are passed on," says Barry McEnroe, head of the New Zealand Telecommunications Cartel Forum (TCF). 

Foreign Colonial Capital, the largest shareholders of Spark, complemented the Commerce Commission on its innovative solution to industry arguments about spectrum management, market power and legacy infrastructure.

"Finally Government officials can focus on sex toy legislation passing quickly through Wellington," says Jack Burke, Minister of Public Affairs.

"Who cares about international benchmarking, the rest of the world has probably got it wrong. Brussels competition officials will be rushing to New Zealand to study this great idea," says Geoff Golding, the chief of TUANZ (Telecommunications Users Association of New Zealand).

MBIE officials were busy preparing an economics benefit report on party behaviours at surfing festivals and couldn't be reached for comment.


This story has been produced as satire to celebrate the joy of April Fools Day. The day only comes around once per annum.

We hope that you've had as much fun reading this story as our team had writing it. Please accept any apologies for mentioning your brand, business or name. Please understand it's light hearted fun and if you are mentioned, it’s because we think you’re awesome.

Can it be trusted? Huawei’s founder speaks out
Ren Zhengfei spoke candidly in a recent media roundtable about security, 5G, his daughter’s detainment, the USA, and the West’s perception of Huawei.
Office workers frustrated by poor information management systems
82% of workers believe poor information management is damaging their productivity in the workplace.
Jobs 'aplenty' for freelance writers, devs & ecommerce specialists?
Jobs tagged with the keyword ‘writing’ took the top spot as the fastest moving job in 2018.
Updated: Chch crypto-exchange Cryptopia suffers breach
Cryptopia has reportedly experienced a security breach that has taken the entire platform offline – and resulted in ‘significant losses’.
Edtech firm Kami raises $1.5m
New Zealand edtech startup Kami has raised $1.5 million to help take the company to North America and beyond. 
How SMBs can use data to drive business outcomes
With the right technology, companies can capture consumer, sales, and expense data, and use it to evaluate and construct future plans.
Startup launches online marketplace for lending items in AU
Think TradeMe, eBay, Amazon, except instead of buying products, you’re renting spare items from everyday consumers.
Adobe revamps Experience Cloud for retailers
Adobe has revamped its Adobe Experience Cloud to offer customer experience management (CXM) capabilities that draw on AI and machine learning technology.