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Spark, Vodafone and 2Degrees announce merger

01 Apr 16

The Minister of Telecommunications announced today that New Zealand's three primary infrastructure investors will merge their interests to form one new entity named 'Spark2Fon'.

"I am euphoric that a solution to industry bickering has now been found," the Minister declared. "There will be no more wasteful use of taxpayers money on consultation and research will need to take place."

"Prices will drop as efficiencies are passed on," says Barry McEnroe, head of the New Zealand Telecommunications Cartel Forum (TCF). 

Foreign Colonial Capital, the largest shareholders of Spark, complemented the Commerce Commission on its innovative solution to industry arguments about spectrum management, market power and legacy infrastructure.

"Finally Government officials can focus on sex toy legislation passing quickly through Wellington," says Jack Burke, Minister of Public Affairs.

"Who cares about international benchmarking, the rest of the world has probably got it wrong. Brussels competition officials will be rushing to New Zealand to study this great idea," says Geoff Golding, the chief of TUANZ (Telecommunications Users Association of New Zealand).

MBIE officials were busy preparing an economics benefit report on party behaviours at surfing festivals and couldn't be reached for comment.

Disclaimer:

This story has been produced as satire to celebrate the joy of April Fools Day. The day only comes around once per annum.

We hope that you've had as much fun reading this story as our team had writing it. Please accept any apologies for mentioning your brand, business or name. Please understand it's light hearted fun and if you are mentioned, it’s because we think you’re awesome.

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